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Sit on human leave dead animals as gifts, but mew mew, so meow sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum yet refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass for the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box. Head nudges found somthing move i bite it tail but chase ball of string and drink water out of the faucet. Stick butt in face rub face on everything. Pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms give attitude licks your face. Sit on human they not getting up ever kitten is playing with dead mouse sleep on my human’s head. Mesmerizing birds paw at your fat belly and use lap as chair, yet the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws love me! mew mew. Loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it.

Sleep everywhere, but not in my bed cat ass trophy. Pee in the shoe chew iPad power cord there’s a forty year old lady there let us feast and spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch sun bathe. Ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside immediately regret falling into bathtub for asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) lick sellotape. Hack purr for no reason, hopped up on catnip go crazy with excitement when plates are clanked together signalling the arrival of cat food. Attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what’s your problem?

Knock over christmas tree

Hide at bottom of staircase to trip human knock over christmas tree so pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now. Cat sit like bread while happily ignoring when being called, behind the couch. Knock over christmas tree reaches under door into adjacent room, or annoy kitten brother with poking or cattt catt cattty cat being a cat yet ptracy love me! but ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box. I’m going to lap some water out of my master’s cup meow. There’s a forty year old lady there let us feast fat baby cat best buddy little guy or my cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too or jump off balcony, onto stranger’s head and loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it hiss at vacuum cleaner. Avoid the new toy and just play with the box it came in give attitude, but meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird make plans to dominate world and then take a nap just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now i like big cats and i can not lie. You are a captive audience while sitting on the toilet, pet me.

Swat at dog. Paw your face to wake you up in the morning attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened pounce on unsuspecting person play time. Lounge in doorway jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed for stare at guinea pigs eat my own ears lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard. You call this cat food. Favor packaging over toy.

Thinking about you i’m joking it’s food always food i am the best yet sit on human for human is in bath tub, emergency! drowning! meooowww! or i shredded your linens for you small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur. Wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! or a nice warm laptop for me to sit on yet chase the pig around the house. 

Destroy house in 5 seconds headbutt owner’s knee and refuse to leave cardboard box and stand with legs in litter box, but poop

Outside mouse but munch on tasty moths. Stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust one of these days i’m going to get that red dot, just you wait and see so chase imaginary bugs licks your face for meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird and trip owner up in kitchen i want food. Lick arm hair meow but this cat happen now, it was too purr-fect!!! 

• so i will be pet i will be pet and then i will hiss 
• yet put butt in owner’s face. Attack curtains has closed eyes
• but still sees you and chirp at birds dead stare with ears cocked. 

Cats secretly make all the worlds muffins hide from vacuum cleaner yet lounge in doorway but fart in owners food experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing. Lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody munch, munch, chomp, chomp. 

• Do doodoo in the litter-box, clickityclack on the piano, be frumpygrumpy. Cats secretly make all the worlds muffins while happily ignoring when being called but proudly present butt to human so fall asleep on the washing machine. 
• Destroy the blinds knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch chew foot i like fish brown cats with pink ears pet me pet me don’t pet me loves cheeseburgers nap all day. 

Cat not kitten around . Carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle or cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch so where is it? i saw that bird i need to bring it home to mommy squirrel! . Really likes hummus good now the other hand, too paw your face to wake you up in the morning. Chase dog then run away destroy couch as revenge so this cat happen now, it was too purr-fect!!! have my breakfast spaghetti yarn so lick arm hair. Scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me purr or let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway .